MORE MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES

MORE MITCH HEDBERG A COMIC'S MIND IN HIS OWN WORDS All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer. A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap. An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. Chicago is known as the Windy City, and Montana is called the Big Sky State, so I think that we should somehow combine the two to create the ultimate kite-flying experience. Dogs are forever in the push up postion. I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring. I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that. I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all. I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once. I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too. I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late. I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before. I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart. I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life. I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones. I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower. Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus? My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.' Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down. When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away. Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show. You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something. Mitch Hedberg

College Coaches: Hired to be Fired with a Golden Parachute

Is Phillip waving goodbye or waving down a group of bankers for his buyout? His wife might need a bigger purse to carry it.

So you want to be a head coach at a major University? Not at bad gig if you can get, it's also not a bad gig when you get fired.

They say head football coaches in college or in the NFL are "hired to be fired". There was never more of a true statement. These poor guys spend hundred of hours a week breaking down film, dealing with student athletes, recruiting, and keeping the high profile alumni happy. They don't get to spend time with family, friends, or even get a chance to play a round of golf.

So why would you want one of these high profile coaching gigs? Because someday you will be fired!

Dude, I was with you until you made being fired a good thing.

In a time where the automotive industry is bankrupt, the financial industry is almost gone, retail is way down, and many Americans have lost their jobs or will be losing their jobs with zero severance pay, being a head football coach who has just been fired from a top university is a pretty good deal.

Take a look at these numbers: Tommy Bowden is due $3.5M from Clemson and he reportedly resigned (do you get a package when you quit? mmm maybe he didn't quit?), Bill Callahan got $3.1M from Nebraska last year, and Phil Fulmer gets $6 million to ease his pain of no longer being the head man at Tennessee. Even San Diego State spent $1.2 million to buy out Chuck Long who went 9-27 as head coach. Are you kidding me? $1.2 large at San Diego State?

So now we come to Notre Dame who signed "Good time" Charlie Weis to a 10 year contract after they were afraid the NFL would come calling for the one time "mail reading" football genius. Reports out of Chicago, ESPN, and everywhere now says that Charlie's buyout as one prominent alumni put it as "pocket change" (I'm pretty sure Bill Gates went to Harvard and not Notre Dame, either way those are some big pockets!) is reportedly between $4 -$5 million.

Wow? How many of us would take that kind of firing? That doesn't even include their 401K! No more long days, you can get introduced to your family again, gone are the crazy recruiting trips to find the next super star, and no more "everyone and their brother" over looking your every move. Seems pretty good to get fired from one of these high profile gigs these days. I wonder how much a History teacher gets if they have to be let go?

Hired to be Fired. College Football is becoming the NFL without the convenient playoff system of course.

_____________________

Update on the Tennessee Coaching Search: Many outlets are reporting that Tennessee and Lane Kiffin are in negotiations for Lane to become the next head football coach. Of course, Tennessee is saying they haven't hired or offered the job to anyone and the search continues. In my opinion, they are just stalling so that Phil Fulmer can coach his last game at Tennessee on Saturday against Kentucky which they have coined "Fulmer appreciation day". Look for the rumors about Lane to become official on Sunday.

They don't want to lose any recruits during this coaching change.

Mt. Cody now 100%

It has been a month since Alabama nose tackle Terrence Cody sprained his knee ligament, and coach Nick Saban is finally seeing the Cody that opened the season devastating offenses.

"He's practiced this week and looked like the Terrence of old," Saban said. "He's not favoring his leg, he's pushing off. He's got some of his initial quickness back. He's playing faster, moving better, he's rushing better."

Cody missed two games with his injury, then had just one tackle in each of the last two games. The open date prior to this week appeared to help the 365-pound transfer immensely.

"The knee is doing excellent," Cody said. "Over the weekend I got more treatment in and got it better and got it stronger. I needed that extra week for my knee."

The quality of the senior class, Peek's eligibility... and other stuff!

The Iron Bowl

Auburn (5-6) at Alabama (11-0), 3:30 EST CBS

Why to watch: In Alabama, everyone talks about this game for 365 days out of the year. Think that’s an overstatement? Ask any of the sports talk hosts and this game and/or this rivalry will bring in the callers every day, every show. So while this year’s Iron Bowl really doesn’t matter on a national scale, even if Alabama loses it’ll play for the national title if it beats Florida in the SEC Championship, it’s still huge to Tide fans who’ve had to hear about the six game losing streak in the series for, well, six years. That’s a long, long time when it’s being talked about and brought up day after day after day. But for the recently suffering Tide faithful, this appears to be when everything is changing. Auburn is a mess, with the offensive coordinator issues killing what should’ve been a big year, and a defense that’s doing what it can, but isn’t doing enough over a string of five losses in the last six games. It’s officially freakout time for the Tigers fans. Nick Saban appears to be building a juggernaut, LSU isn’t all that bad, even in a down year, and Arkansas and Ole Miss are improving. Meanwhile, Auburn’s window of opportunity to do anything really, really big, like be in the yearly hunt for the national title, might be slammed shut. However, with one big win over the No. 1 team in the nation, Auburn will be bowl eligible, the momentum won’t have shifted over to Tuscaloosa quite yet, there will be another 365 days of smack talk to be had. So sure, the game might not really mean anything, but it also means everything. (Sorry … the clichés start flowing around rivalry time.)

Why Auburn might win: Alabama might have great special teams, but Auburn’s return game is just good enough to change the momentum at a moment’s notice, or pull away if the Tigers get on an early roll. Kick returner Tristan Davis and punt returner Robert Dunn are special, and they might be the ones who can kickstart an otherwise dead offense at times against the nasty Bama D. For all of Auburn’s issues, the defense has still been tough throughout the year. Alabama might be great, but it doesn’t have Oklahoma’s offense; it’s not going to throw 60 on the board.

Why Alabama might win: The Auburn offense is sort of like the economy. Everyone’s trying everything to get it started, and all the efforts just seem to make things go backwards. It’s not like the attack is suddenly going to find itself this week against a very rested, very motivated defense that’s allowing nothing on the ground, just 256 yards per game overall, and is allowing a mere 12.55 points per game. It’s going to take something special for Auburn to win, so if Alabama can play the Tigers evenly on special teams and in the turnover margin, it should be off to Atlanta with a 12-0 record.

Who to watch: John Parker Wilson could turn out to be the offensive leader for a national title team (really, Bama will play for it all no matter what if it beats Florida), but if the Tide loses this week, he’ll be forever known as the quarterback who lost to Auburn three times. He wasn’t bad in the 2006 loss, throwing for 252 yards and two touchdowns before giving away the game-sealing pick, but he struggled in last season’s defeat completing 12-of-26 passes for 113 yards and a touchdown. While he’s been good this year, he hasn’t thrown a touchdown pass in his last four games and hasn’t thrown one in five of his last six outings. Meanwhile, he has rushed for four touchdowns in the last four games, and most importantly, the team keeps on winning.

What will happen: Welcome to Alabama’s cathartic exhale six years in the making. Saban and the Tide won’t be looking to make a statement; they just want the win. However, the defense will keep the Tiger attack from doing much of anything past the first quarter, while the Tide attack will get all the parts working early on. Auburn will hang around for about 40 minutes, and then the last 20 will be all about Bama fans enjoying the long weight being lifted off their program’s back.

CFN Prediction: Alabama 31 … Auburn 16 ... Line: Alabama -14

Must See Rating: (5 Football while eating Thanksgiving food)

SEC Fearless Predictions, Nov. 29

Left Tackle Andre Smith

Something happens to University of Alabama junior left tackle Andre Smith when he steps onto a football field.

It's a transformation of sorts, and happens faster than a pancake block.

Off the field, he's about as mild-mannered as it comes, a gentle giant usually with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. He rarely says anything that could be considered upsetting, and frequently leaves the emotional motivation to teammates like senior co-captain Antoine Caldwell.

'Great program, great coaching staff, great fans,' Smith said about Saturday's opponent, Auburn. 'Overall, just great tradition.'

Once he suits up, though, he's another person: Tough, physical, about as hard-nosed as it comes, and finishes plays.

Transformation

Senior Day

Senior Day festivites will be held Saturday for: Center and team captain Antoine Caldwell, right guard Marlon Davis, defensive end Bobby Greenwood, safety and team captain Rashad Johnson, tight end Travis McCall, injured receiver Will Oakley, receiver Nikita Stover, tight end Nick Walker and quarterback John Parker Wilson.

Wednesday reading: 'The group that sort of turned it around'

Big House Blog Turkey Day: Big Ten Bowl Projections

It's the time of year we all get together with family, eat way too much, talk about leaving the house for that $200 50 inch flat screen TV, and watch a lot of football.

So what a better time of year then to debate where some of the Big Ten finest will be spending the Christmas holiday. First lets discuss where Illinois and Michigan will be playing this year. Both teams on 1/1/2008 played in the Rose and Capital One bowls respectively. Oops, sorry both teams will be home this year thinking about what could have been, as Iowa and Northwestern take their bowl spots. What a year!

Now on to the bowl projections on this Turkey Holiday:

Motor City Bowl: (Big Ten #7 pick against MAC #1) Minnesota vs Ball State: Doesn't Ball State deserve better? They will be 13-0 if they beat Buffalo in the MAC championship game and their reward? Playing a Golden Gophers team that is 0-4 in it's last 4 games and just got housed by Iowa 55-0. Wow, thanks for the undefeated season, Welcome to snowy Detroit!

Insight Bowl: (Big Ten #6 pick against Big 12 #6 pick) Wisconsin vs Kansas: Wisconsin gets this spot over Minnesota because they travel so well and they get lucky on getting Tempe, AZ instead of Detroit. Both teams in this match up didn't live up the hype this year and Kansas has a little better excuse since they played in the very difficult Big 12.

Champs Sports Bowl: (Big Ten #4/5 pick against ACC #4 pick) Iowa vs Wake Forest: This will be an interesting match up with two football programs on the rise. Iowa saved the BCS from having to put another Big Ten team in the National Championship game and Wake Forest has played pretty good football at times during the last 3 seasons. Look for this to be a pretty entertaining match-up.

Alamo Bowl: (Big Ten #4/5 pick against Big 12 #4 pick): Northwestern vs Nebraska: The Wildcats get this slot over Iowa due to their better overall record. Nebraska loves the Alamo Bowl and has fond memories of playing Michigan a few years ago with terrible officials and a wild last second option play. This will be Bo Pelini and Pat Fitzgerald's first bowl berth as head coaches. This is also Northwestern's first bowl since 2005.

Outback Bowl: (Big Ten #3 pick against SEC #3/4 pick) Michigan State vs Georgia: This match up couldn't be any worse for the over rated Spartans. They want nothing to do with the SEC after they got housed by Penn State last week. But they did reach their goal of beating a 3-9 Michigan team and got to play on New Years Day. So there is always that! On a side note, this will be a good match up of two of the top running backs in the country: Javon Ringer and Knowshon Moreno. Look for Sparty to get embarrassed in this one.

Capital One Bowl: (Big Ten #2 pick against SEC #2 pick) Ohio State vs LSU: Does anyone remember this game? I know OSU is holding it's breath for a BSC bid, but the Big 12 and/or Alabama will get it over the Buckeyes if they lose to Florida. Buckeye fans, pray that Alabama doesn't upset Florida in the SEC Championship game! OSU will have a good shot at ending their long losing streak against the SEC with an LSU QB that loves throwing picks for touchdowns. This should be a fun game and not a bad match up for The Vest and the boys from CBus.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Big House Blog Crystal Ball: Coaching Vacancies

So with the season over for some teams and coming to an end for others, I thought it would be a good time to get out the Crystal Ball and predict who might fill some of the current high profile coaching vacancies around the country.

Washington: Was rumored to have offered the job to Texas coordinator Will Muschamp before he became the "head coach in waiting" for the Longhorns. I still think they will go after Jim Mora before he becomes the Seahawks coach in a few months. They won't get Jim because the dollars in the NFL are just too large. That leaves my predicition: Utah coach Kyle Whittingham would be a good fit for the Huskies. Of course his name is similar to Tyrone Willingham which could cause some confusion. (look for Brian Kelly to become an option if the below rumor happens)

Tennessee: I think it's a toss up between Brian Kelly and Lane Kiffin for this job. Internet reports are out today that say it's Lane. Which would be a good hire for the Volunteers. Lane was known as a good recruiter at USC and could be at Tennessee for the next 20 years. My prediction: Lane Kiffin

Clemson has interviewed Virginia Tech defensive coordinator Bud Foster as well as former Oakland Raiders coach Lane Kiffin and Oklahoma defensive coordinator Brent Venables. But I don't see a real good fit for the Tigers with any of these candidates. The Board of Trustees held an executive session by teleconference this morning to discuss "a personnel matter". I assume they are close to hiring a new head coach. My prediction is: current interim coach Dabo Swinney (mostly if they get a win over South Carolina this weekend).

Kansas State hired it's old coach Bill Synder.

Syracuse: I believe will hire Ball State's Brady Hoke. Who will be featured on ESPN 2 tonight against Western Michigan. Turner Gill would be my second choice for the Orangemen.

Eastern Michigan: I don't consider a high profile job but it's in Ann Arbor's backyard and former Michigan coach Lloyd Carr is helping in the search. Look for former Michigan assistants to get a look like: Mike DeBord (didn't do so well at Central), Ron English current defensive coordinator at Louisville, and current Michigan running backs coach Fred Jackson. As an dark horse for the job, don't forget about Detroit Lions QB coach Scot Loeffler.

Michigan's Weekly Recruiting Blitz

• Fitzgerald Toussaint was named Ohio's DIII Co-Offensive Player of the year. Fitzgerald rushed for 2,229 yards (10.4 per carry) and 28 TDs for Liberty. FT is a Michigan verbal commitment for the class of 2009.
• Toussaint was joined on the All-Ohio first team by teammate and fellow Michigan recruit Isaiah Bell (6-2, 215, Sr.), who was chosen as a defensive back
• Senior center and long snapper Danny Russell was selected by the Associated Press as a Division III All-Ohioan. I want to put the pads back on," Russell admitted. "Michigan brought me up for the Northwestern game a few weeks ago. I'm hoping to hear back from them."
• Michigan Offensive Line recruit Taylor Lewan (6-foot-6, 265-pound) from Scottsdale (AZ) Chaparral, made his official visit to Minnesota Saturday. He is a teammate of Michigan commitment Craig Roh. Taylor plans to visits Oregon and Michigan after his high school playoffs are completed. They play in the semi finals this weekend.
• Florida's Plantation 4 Star CB, Josh Robinson will announce his final decision on where he will attend college this Sunday at Church. He will decide between USF, UCF, FIU, and Michigan. Many have thought it would be difficult for Josh to come North but Michigan might have a couple new advantages like Monday's verbal commitment from teammate Vladimir Emilien to the Wolverines. Josh took an official visit to Michigan this Fall, is 5"10 178 and runs a 4.4 in the 40.

_______________

Side Note: Former Michigan QB Drew Henson signed a two year deal with the Detroit Lions yesterday and will be the back up to Daunte Culpepper on Thanksgiving. Drew has been with the Lions since the pre-season on the practice squad.

Those That Come Early Will Be Champions

Soon to be Freshman Tate Forcier

Question: What is one way to take the suspense out of signing day in February?

Answer: To enroll in January.

My theme for the Michigan program since the Northwestern loss is for potential recruits to enroll early at Michigan to get a jump on preparing for next year. Last year Michigan only had one recruit enroll early at that was Texas WR Darryl Stonum and he saw significant playing time. This year is very critical since Michigan is expected to play two Freshman quarterbacks next year.

Recruits that arrive early will get the benefit of Mike Barwis strength and conditioning program, un-scheduled practices that are run by the players, and Spring Ball. It's a huge advantage to have Freshman in early when you are re-building a program that lacks depth at many positions. Reports are that Michigan could only have 19 scholarship players on defensive return next year. That is a scary thought when you talk about depth on a defense.

So now on to the good news: Thanks to my friends at Mgoblog, here are the list of potential recruits that could enroll early. The names in Blue have recently confirmed that they are scheduled to be on campus at the end of December:

• Tate Forcier, QB
• Mike Jones, Safety
• Brandin Hawthorne, LB
• Vincent Smith, RB
• Vladimir Emilien, Safety
• Shavodrick Beaver, QB
• Will Campbell (recent de-commit but still considering U of M)
• Anthony LaLota, DE

News and Notes for 2009 from RR's Press Conference

• He expects Brandon Graham back for his senior year! (Sweet!)
• He expects McGuffie to be back but it has been hard for him to be away from home and he did receive another concussion in the Ohio State game, more medical evaluation needs to be completed.
• Michigan has scheduled 3 non-conference games for next year: Western Michigan, Notre Dame and Eastern Michigan. 10/7 remains open and could have a 4th non conference opponent.
• Injured lineman Cory Zirbel can no longer play and may become a student assistant.
• Coach Rod said his staff may visit Oklahoma this summer. That the Oklahoma staff came up to Michigan last year to discuss strategy on offense.

________________________

Side note: Eastern Michigan fired thier head coach this morning: Former Michigan football coach Lloyd Carr will serve as an unpaid advisor to EMU athletic director Derrick Gragg in the search for a new coach

Buick and Tiger Woods End Their Relationship

After 9 years of Buick and General Motors sponsoring Tiger Woods, GM announced today they are ending the contract between the Automotive Giant and the Sports World Giant.

GM said in a statement today that it is looking to reduce costs, and that the star golfer also wants more personal time as he expects his second child. GM’s vice president for North American sales, Mark LaNeve, says the separation is the result of discussions earlier in the year and is not related to the company’s campaign for $25 billion in loans from the federal government.

Two things to consider here:

1) If Tiger Woods cant' help you sell more cars, who can?

2) It's not related to the $25 billion buy out loan? It freaking better be! If you are asking the US government for $25 Billion you better re-think the millions of dollars you are giving golf's superstar to put your logo on his bag.

Tiger had no comment on being relieved not to have to drive a Buick any longer.

Michigan adds 20th Commitment to 2009 Class: Vladimir Emilien

Welcome to the 2009 season. Where 2008 is dead and now recruiting and adding depth to the roster is the number one priority!

Well, Michigan (needing some good news) has started fast on that priority by gaining the verbal commitment from Florida Safety Vladimir Emilien. Vlad rated anywhere between a 3-4 star prospect at safety and is 6-1 190 lbs. and runs a 4.5 in the 40. Safety and Corner are a huge priority for the Wolverines this off season.

As always here are Vlad's particulars from VB:

Player Notes:

Emilien had a fairly impressive offer sheet prior to his commitment, and is known as a safety prospect who can play either position. He has good speed in the defensive backfield, and could excel under the tutelage of Mike Barwis. He has fairly good size as well, and will likely end up as a big run-supporting strong safety. Emilien has a good reputation of going 100% on every play, a good sign that he meets Rodriguez's all-important criterion of "loves football."

Recruiting Notes:

Emilien was offered at the beginning of May, though it seemed even at that time that he was bound for Ohio State. All indications from the beginning of his recruitment showed that he was a heavy Buckeye lean. However, the OSU class filled up fairly quickly, and there was no longer room for him in the class of '09. When Ohio State allegedly pulled an offer from one of their commitments following an off-field incident, it appeared as though Emilien's break may have come. However, he never committed to the Buckeyes, and after the Michigan State game official visit, the Wolverines may have taken over the top spot in his mind. Originally planning to announce yesterday, Vlad delayed his decision until today, and picked Michigan over Wisconsin, Ohio State, and Stanford.

Update to Michigan's "All Name Team" 2009 Recruiting Class:

• Vladimir Emilien


• Shavodrick Beaver


• Fitzgerald Toussaint


• DeQuinta Jones


• Pearlie Graves

Buckeye Monday: The Game Post Review

42-7……I didn’t see that one coming!!! Vegas, Corso, Herbstreit, Big House Bob and many others correctly predicted the Buckeye blowout. They were all able to see and analyze the true discrepancies between the two teams. I on the other hand, let my heart tell me what I thought was going to happen. As Corso would say…..”Not so fast my friend.”

So…what did happen? The first half was played as I had thought it would. High intensity and emotion from both teams, lots of big hits, conservative play calling and solid defense. As the teams headed to the locker rooms at half time I was pretty comfortable with how OSU was playing on defense. It was obvious that Sheridan was not going to be able to win the game throwing the ball. However, Michigan’s one sustained scoring drive in the second quarter showed me that Michigan could/maybe effectively run the ball. That…made me nervous about the second half.

Michigan fans would probably say that the game was really over before it started. Having lived through the Cooper years I was keenly aware of the “X” factors that had cost the Buckeyes games they “should” have won. Because of those games I was unwilling to let my guard down for even a second. To me, the game turned around on the two-play, 92 yards scoring drive in the 3rd quarter. The long runs by Beanie and Boom effectively made it clear (to me) that Michigan was not going to win the game. Several other short scoring drives made the last 10 minutes of the game meaningless. I was 5 months old the last time OSU dominated a Michigan team like this. We all know what happened the next year. I agree that Michigan should be a better team next year and through graduations and early entry to the NFL both teams should be more evenly matched. Here’s hoping Michigan doesn’t improve that much.

What worked?

Beanie…..was Beanie. For the third consecutive year he was able to rip off a long run that ended in a touchdown. He is definitely that man. I was a little nervous that Michigan was getting penetration early and was effective in limiting the running game. Then…bam…..Beanie was off to the races. In the 3 games he played against Michigan he rushed for over 400 yards and 4 touchdowns. I have little hope he will be back for his senior year. A tip of my hat to you Mr. Wells. You are the man!!!

The Silver Bullets were on a roll yesterday. It’s been a long time since I had seen the OSU defense that keyed up. Granted, they didn’t have to worry as much about the Michigan passing game and could concentrate on the run but Coach Heacock certainly drew up a good scheme for this game. Little Animal was all over the field (as usual) and both the line and the backfield played great.

What didn’t work?

This will seem petty given the final score but I am still not sold on Pryor throwing the ball. Of course, he hasn’t been asked to win games with his arm but he still appears tentative on most throws. He is showing more patience in the pocket but yesterday that patience resulted in a sack just as often as a completed pass. The experts say that quarterbacks gain the most experience between years one and two in their careers. I like Pryor and don’t have any problems with the decision to make him the starter in week four of the season. We had to accept the good with the bad and, as his 8-1 record proves, there was more good than bad. Beanie will be gone next year but Herron has proven himself to be a capable heir. I still say we need to develop an intermediate passing attack to compliment the running game. I guess we’ll have to see how that all turns out.

What’s next?

Penn State’s decimation of Michigan State gives them the Big 10’s slot in the Rose Bowl. I have no problem giving two BCS slots to the SEC (Florida and Alabama) and Big XII (Texas and Oklahoma). I became a huge fan of Oregon (after Oregon State rallied to beat Arizona last night). If Oregon State beats Oregon (in the Civil War) next week than both OSU and USC would get bids from the Pac 10. It looks like Cincinnati is going to get the Big East slot. The ACC is still up in the air but they’re sending someone and Utah should get an at large spot ahead of the Buckeyes. So, in order for Ohio State to get to another BCS Bowl this year Oregon State needs to loose against Oregon. I think the bowl committees would rather take a two loss Ohio State team over a two loss Oregon State. Either way, someone is getting an OSU team. Worse case (I think) is that we’ll get Georgia in the Capitol One Bowl in Orlando. I really don’t want to face another SEC team in bowl game and have to deal with the 0-9 streak we’re currently on against their super fast, super strong teams. We’ll see how it plays out over the next two weeks.

In conclusion, my expectations entering the year were for better result. With twenty returning starters playing with massive ‘chips’ on their shoulders I thought we had as good a chance as anyone to get back to the BCS National Championship game. Who knew that the Big XII was going to field so many great teams? I want no part of Oklahoma, Texas, Florida or USC (again). I think Ohio State will end the year ranked pretty much where they are now. We are definitely at or near the top of the second tier of teams in the country. Next year will be interesting…as always. The sky is the limit on Pryor’s talents. Boom Herron will have to step up to replace Beanie. There will be big holes on the offensive line (not that there weren’t this year). I think we loose 4 starters on defense so the Silver Bullets should be a force….as always.

It’s been fun writing this column for Bighouseblog.com. I look forward to doing it again next year. Until then…….

GO BUCKS!!!!

Buckeye John

Michigan - Ohio State Game Re-Cap

First off, thank goodness it's over. The season, I mean. This was a year where nothing went right and this game was a good example of that.

Let's be honest, Ohio State is a solid team and deserved the victory, but with all things considered Michigan played with a walk on and a slot receiver at QB. Michigan had zero chance with that combination and still was in this game early in the 3rd quarter. Michigan lost this game last January, when Ryan Mallet and Adrian Arrinton left the program.

Ohio State played well but it will be interesting to see if they can really beat a top 10 opponent this year.

I know many fans live for this game, but frankly this was like Michigan beating a down Michigan State team. It really doesn't mean much. This wasn't #1 - #2, it was a good Ohio State team vs a terrible Michigan team and this is what happens when a good team plays and a bad one.

A couple of thoughts on the game:

-The key to beating OSU is stopping the run and making Pryor pass. I don't think he can beat a top 10 team with his arm.
-How in the world did they not overturn the Michigan interception in end zone? What are they looking at? That was a pretty clear call.
-Tressel ran up the score a little bit. I think he is a solid coach, but some of the long passes late in the 4th were pretty questionable.
-The big plays and lack of a Michigan QB was the difference in the game. If Michigan had a semi quality QB this game would have been much closer.
-There was no way Michigan could keep this game close with turning the ball over.
- There was a clear hold on Beanie's long run near the end zone. (didn't matter but another example of poor officiating)

(side note: The Big Ten officials this year have been just terrible. It quite frankly has been an embarrassment to the league. The officials calls didn't decide this game but every game I have watched this year there have been 2-3 clear "big" mistakes in every game.)

Good News Michigan fans, this year is officially over. 2008 is gone. Put it away and start preparing for next year. We need as many 2009 recruits to enroll early in January. Welcome Tate Forcier and Shavodrick Beaver!

Michigan - Ohio State Preview

Memories of the "good old days"

What a strange year this has been. Michigan hires their first "outsider" to lead the program in nearly 40 years. He brings a new offensive system, a top-tier strength and conditioning coach, and a top 10 recruiting class into Ann Arbor for the 2008 season.



Nobody expected this team to be world beaters this year. They lost their entire offense to the NFL and their top 4 tacklers on defense. The QB's on staff were either a walk on, a transfer, or a Freshman. None of them had any experience playing football at a Division 1 level. With all that said, we didn't expect 3-9, we thought this team could/should win between 5-7 games. That didn't happen. We expected loses to ND, Penn State, and Ohio State. It was just one of those years where we have to take our medicine and move on.



Saturday won't be any different. Michigan plays Ohio State and it's not even in the top 5 big games of the day, there are much more important games being played in Happy Valley, Utah, and Oklahoma to name a few.



Michigan's #1 QB is out with a separated shoulder and Michigan's walk on QB Nick Sheridan will get the start. Michigan's top running back Brandon Minor will play but missed last weeks loss to Northwestern due to a number of nagging injuries. The weather in C-Bus is going to be cold with a high of 35 degrees for the day. All signs point to a ton of pain for the Wolverines on Saturday.



Even the media this week has been running with a quote from Michigan's head coach Rich Rodriguez about the state of the economy and fans needing to "get a life". It's been running non-stop on ESPN for two days. Let's take a look at exactly what he said during his Monday press conference and see if you believe his quote was taken out of context:



On what he has learned about himself this year?... "I've learned. I think you've got to keep learning. There's probably a lot of fans that think I'm dumber than I was a year ago or two years ago, back when we were winning games. I'd like to think I'm smarter. We showed up on Saturdays. I think you've got to learn a little about personality, about your place. I've learned more about this place. I learned a whole lot more about our team -- which I think is important -- your team, your staff.





"Obviously you've got to learn to have thick skin, I learned that a long time ago with coaches. The last 10 months, even before I started the season, we've learned the effect it can have on your family, and the things that you've got deal with as a coach.





"This is a public position. It's not like a politician. I'm not running for office. I mean, God bless them. They choose to have that public scrutiny. As coaches, we know it's part of the job, but we don't choose to have it. Most of us would rather not.





"The biggest thing that is disappointing is when somebody, not necessarily the media, but when a fan or somebody would make it personal to your coach or to your players, especially to the players, because those guys are amateurs. When they would make a personal comment or say something that's not related to coaching or not related to playing.



"I don't get on message boards. I don't think anybody, any of our players or family should, but it's amazing some of the things that people would say or amazing things people will yell at you of a personal nature. You almost want to tell them get a life. I mean, there's a whole lot bigger problems. You lose a ballgame, and then you look at the economy or after every game I usually get to meet one of our veterans or somebody. To take it personal on a coach or player to me, I don't think it's ever right.



"I'm glad fans have passion, but it's still kind of, I guess, a lot more bolder. You all would know. It's a lot more bolder what people would say and write. Not you all, but bloggers or whatever, than it used to be. We've seen it coming for a few years."

-------------------------





I think the media should get a life or at least do some damn research before they run with a story 24x7. Do wonder the newspaper industry is in a quick downward spiral.





With that mystery solved let's move on to game preview:

• Ohio State is a top 10 team, Michigan isn't



• Ohio State plays pretty good defense, Michigan does at times



• Both teams are lead by Freshman QB's: One was the #1 recruit in the nation, the other is out with separated shoulder, the Michigan starter is a former walk on



• Ohio State loses to Top 10 teams, Michigan lost to Purdue and Toledo and 6 others



• Ohio State's coach wears a snappy Vest, Michigan's coach doesn't
• Michigan's top offensive lineman hurt his knee in practice this week
  
  
• This game will be played in "chilly" Columbus



• Ohio State is a 20.5 point favorite

In every area, Ohio State is better. Wait, Michigan has a better punter, but how effective can you punt in freezing temperatures? I hate to say this but this game won't be even be close. Sheridan doesn't have the arm strength to keep Michigan's offense balanced. Odoms is experiencing his first winter weather, McGuffie is dealing with the loss of his Grandmother and a concussion, and most of the players on the team will be getting their first taste of playing in the Shoe.

Anyway you add it up, it will be a long day for the Wolverines. At least we have Basketball Season and recruiting for next year! Ohio State 34 Michigan 6

Does anyone have any Advil?

Michigan Upsets UCLA: Bring on Duke (just kidding!)

Did you hear the doorbell? I think somebody is knocking? Who is it?

It's The Michigan Basketball Program, back from obscurity. Just in time for the holidays!

Yes, John Beilein who is from West Virgina and lead Michigan to it's program high 22 loses last year (doesn't that sound familiar? I know I have heard something like that before) upset #4 ranked UCLA last night in Madison Square Garden 55-52. Michigan stopped a 12 game losing streak to Top 25 opponents and this was the first time since 1997 that they beat a top 5 team.

The Wolverines were lead by game MVP: DeShawn Sims who had 18 points followed by Manny Harris with 15. The real star of the game was Michigan's 1-3-1 defensive zone that confused UCLA and forced them into deep outside shots most of the game. UCLA is full of talent but most of it's players are young freshman due to the big losses they had to the NBA last year. I expect UCLA to be pretty good this year but they clearly didn't play their best game on Thursday night.

So what did Michigan get for this big win? Duke, tonight in the championship game. As well as Duke again at Crisler Arena on December 6th. Wow, thanks Duke twice in two weeks, at least give them a T-shirt or something! :-)

This was a great win for the Wolverines and a true statement for Coach Beilein and staff that their hard work is starting to pay off. This doesn't make the Wolverines a lock for the NCAA Tournament or even a contender in the Big Ten, but it does show that this program is on the right track and will be competitive in every game they play this year. Michigan Basketball is back!

Now all you students and fans make sure you make a B-Line to Crisler Arena this winter to support this team!

Big 10 Weekend Preview and Picks: Final Season Edition

How time flies by. It seems like yesterday we were previewing the season. Now it's the final weekend of the Big Ten season and a couple teams have played well but most of the Big Ten has been a disappointment.

So with out further adieu, here is this weeks Big Ten Match up and Picks (I know you all will miss this regular feature)......................

Indiana at Purdue: Both team are pretty bad and have an identical record at 3-8. This will be Joe Tiller's last game as head mustache at Purdue. Hopefully, the Purdue fans will pack the stadium and give him one last "Boiler Up" cheer as he walks off the field for the last time. Purdue is a 12 point favorite in this one. I think it's a bit closer then that. Purdue 21 IU 13

Cal Poly at Wisconsin: Are you kidding me? Is this August or November? I'm sure the boys from Cal Poly will love the late November weather in Madison. I had to look up Cal Poly to see how they are doing this year. They are 8-1! with their only loss coming at the hands of Montana by 2 points. The Badgers better be on upset alert on this one. I can't find a line on this one. So if Vegas doesn't have a clue, how can I? Wisconsin got it's 6th win last weekend but wants 7 to secure a Bowl. Wisconsin 24 Cal Poly 21

Illinois at Northwestern: What happened to Juice and Zook? They were in the Rose Bowl last year and were making pre-Season noise like they were going to compete against Penn State and Ohio State for the Big Ten Championship. They are 5-6 and coming off losses against Western Michigan and Ohio State. They need one more win just to qualify for a Bowl. On the other hand, Northwestern snuck out of Ann Arbor with a snowy win last weekend 21-14 where they didn't play very well but got the W anyway. I think this will be a very cold snowy Chicago game where there will be lots of running and not much throwing. Vegas has NW favored by 3. I think Juice can win this game by himself. Illinois 14 Northwestern 6

Iowa at Minnesota: Iowa is riding high after beating #3 ranked Penn State and Purdue the last two weeks. Minnesota is ridding low with 3 losses in a row to Northwestern, Michigan, and Wisconsin. I guess the turn around in Gopher land is not yet complete, but Kirk Ferentz might have turned the corner with his Hawkeyes. Iowa is playing the much better football at this point in the season in this match up of Big Ten bowl eligible teams. Iowa is favored by 6 in this one.

Iowa 31 Minnesota 21

The Big Ten Game of the Week:

#15 Michigan State vs #8 Penn State: Sparty has been reading their press clipping on how good they are. Even their coach is rumored to be a candidate for the Tennessee and Clemson openings. Mark Dantonio even said this week he is rooting for Ohio State to beat Michigan. Which makes zero sense, because if Michigan beat OSU and Michigan State beat Penn State, his Spartans would be going to the Rose Bowl. Again, it amazes me how stupid some people can be when it comes to a rival. I hope he stays at MSU, because you can see he is not very bright.

Penn State shook off the loss to Iowa and beat Indiana last week. Which is good for Penn State and not so good for Sparty. Michigan State had a better chance to upset JoPa and the boys after their Iowa hang over but they were off last week resting for this match up.

If Penn State wins they go to the Rose Bowl

If Penn State loses and OSU wins. OSU goes to the Rose Bowl

If both lose: Michigan State goes to the Rose Bowl

Michigan State is way over rated and Penn State has a lot of line with a Rose Bowl bid and potentially JoPa's final home game. Vegas has Penn State a two touchdown favorite (14.5). So Vegas isn't buying Sparty either. Penn State 41 Michigan State 14

The Michigan - Ohio State game will be previewed on Friday.

Michigan Defensive Tackles: Gain One - Lose One

Michigan received it's 19th verbal commitment to the class of 2009 from Defensive Tackle Pearlie Graves (6-3, 260) from Tulsa East Central High School in Oklahoma. Which is good news because Michigan lost another player off the current roster Jason Kates. Jason is 6"2 and 336 pounds and has struggled with his weight. He didn't even sniff playing time this year, so with a good Freshman class coming in next year, Jason decided to pack it up and leave the team. Kates was a Sophomore and was rated 4 stars from Rivals and 2 from Scout. Let's hope "Big Will" Campbell is part of that great Defensive Line class of 2009.

Now on to the particulars for Pearlie via Varsity Blue as always:

Player Notes:

Graves plays primarily defensive end in high school, and that is where the recruiting sites list him. However, he has a big frame, and with a college-level strength and conditioning program, he will likely move to defensive tackle. He will likely end up as a penetrator who is more of a speedy defensive tackle than Big Ten fans are accustomed to.

Recruiting Notes:

Graves was offered by Michigan in the summer, and the Wolverines immediately became one of his favorite schools. He took his visit to Ann Arbor this fall, and went home raving about his time there, particularly the academic support. Graves's stock has been rising lately, with several programs offering him scholarships recently. He picked Michigan over Oklahoma State and others.

Graves is rated a 4 star prospect from Rivals.

Michigan's 2009 "great names" recruiting class includes:

• Shavodrick Beaver


• Fitzgerald Toussaint


• DeQuinta Jones


• Pearlie Graves

When Does Winning = Losing for College Programs?

The answer is: when your coach is a hot commodity and looking for a place where he can get paid and win a National Championship.

There are some coaches that don't seem to care if they are "wanted" by other programs. That seems to be the case with Boise State's head man, Chris Peterson. Many big name schools have come calling and he has turned them all down. He must love that Smurf Turf!

The programs with the most to fear as their program start to get national attention include:

Cincinnati, Ball State, and Utah. All three of these programs could be heading to a big Bowl Game (Cincy and Utah could be BCS bowl bond, The MAC champ plays in the Motor City Bowl) and all of these programs could possibly not have their head coach with them.


There is a bunch of "buzz" around Cincinnati's head coach Brian Kelly. He has been a "hot" candidate for two years now and the rumor mill is saying that the Tennessee opening might have his name on it. Cincinnati has been doing all they can to keep Brian happy. They are even paying him more then Mark Dantonio at Mighigan State (the coach he replaced at Cincy). The problem is, Brian can't win a National Championship at Cincinnati and he is a coach that wants the pressure of leading a top tier program. We will have to wait and see where he ends up, but there is a good chance that Brian won't be eating "Cincinnati Chili" after this season.


Brady Hoke, is a steal out there for a BCS School on a budget. As far as coaches salary goes Brady's doesn't hit the top 100. He has his team off to a 10-0 start and is basically playing Central Michigan tonight for the MAC Championship. This is a good coach that you could hire at around $1m or less a year. I posted an article earlier this week, expressing what a good fit he would be for the Syracuse opening. He would also be a good choice to replace Brian Kelly above.


Remember when Notre Dame and Florida went head to head over Utah's former coach Urban Meyer? I wonder how Urban is doing these days? Well, his replacement Kyle Whittingham should be making a few teams short list this year. His current Utah team is 11-0 and ranked 8th in the country by the BCS. If Utah wins out, they will be playing in a BSC game, will Kyle be with them?



Other guys deserving a new job and a raise:

• Turner Gill is 6-4 this year at Buffalo and has a 4-2 record in conference. He is 13-21 in his 3 years at Buffalo but has built this program basically from the ground up. His teams have gotten better every year. Turner will get a number of interviews because he is a minority candidate but let's hope he gets an offer, he is a solid coach with a huge upside.


• Bronco Mendenhall sounds like a football coach doesn't he? Bronco is actually the head man at BYU and has his team is currently 10-1 ranked 14th by the BCS. His overall record at BYU is 37-11 the past 4 years. His team has lost a total of 5 games the last 3 years. BYU has a history of coaches staying on board and coaching for a long time, but if Bronco wants a high pressure ACC/SEC job he might have an opportunity to get one.

Every opening will also include Lane Kiffin as well. He is a solid coach and a was good recruiter at USC. What I don't understand is all the assistants I hear being interviewed or considered for these big jobs. If your a Clemson, Syracuse, Washington, or Tennessee why would you want a head coach that doesn't have any experience being a leader? I would think all the gentlemen listed above would be a much better choice in taking your program to the next level.

When ESPN Personalities Do Dumb Things

News Flash: Michigan is not good this year. They are currently 3-8 and on a fast train to 3-9. They have a new coach and a new offensive system. Things have not gone well and Michigan has struggled in every game this year. The big yearly match up between Michigan and Ohio State, is not what it used to be.

Oh wait, you knew all those things? Then I wonder why ESPN personalities Chris Spielman and Kirk Herbstreet went off on local Columbus radio with the following blasts:

• "They're a team that plays hard, they just have nothing going," said Spielman.


• "They stink, they're not very good. They don't play offense... they can't run it consistently, they can't throw it consistently, they can't stop the run, they're not very good defending the pass, they're not very good covering kicks, they're not very good returning kicks," Spielman said.


• "I think they're just looking forward to getting the season over and hitting the recruiting," Herbstreit said.


• "I know, it's still Ohio State-Michigan, and when the teams run out on the field, it's still special. But, it's, like, anticlimatic," he said. "Who are you booing? They're 3-8. If they didn't have to be there, they wouldn't be there.... But if they were 9-2, or there was a championship on the line, that's what this game's all about."


• "I love seeing them beaten down, man. It's great," Spielman said.

A couple points to consider here:

• Really? I didn't realize Michigan wasn't good this year, thank for the information. You both should have used your degrees in Brain Surgery for good and not evil.


• Why do people say dumb things on the radio that they would never say on TV? You both make a heck of a lot of money on your ESPN gigs. You shouldn't show what a "homer" you are, no mater what the medium is.


• Why do you guys want to be bulletin board material for Michigan? Haven't you learned anything over the past 20 years?


• I think Herbie does a pretty good job at ESPN but when it comes to Michigan information, he keeps putting his foot in his mouth. Example 1: Les Miles and Jon Tenuta will be announced head coach and defensive coordinator for Michigan on Monday. Example #2: Michigan has zero chance against Florida, they don't have a defense at all. Example #3: Above.


• Even ESPN's Lou Holtz this year commented that Michigan needed leadership and used Adolf Hitler as an example. Not real smart Dr. Lou.

This is just another example of how this rivalry makes people do dumb things.. Classless gentlemen, classless.

Michigan Mc Exodus

It seems the strain of a 3-9 season, the depth chart, the Michigan weather, and position changes are making players leave the program. We know of two players that are gone and one of Michigan's high profile recruits maybe leaning towards leaving the program as well.

Rich Rodriguez confirmed today on the Big Ten Teleconference that sophomore WR Zion Babb is no longer on the team as of last Sunday. Babb played in six games this year and had 2 catches for 45 yards.

We have also learned that sophomore LB/S Artis Chambers has also told coaches that he is leaving the team and plans to transfer.

The biggest news is that Sam McGuffie as of right now is planning on transferring. Please note, neither the Chambers or McGuffie transfers have been officially confirmed by U of M. But sources around the program are saying they both are planning to leave.

Sam has had an up and down year. He looked great at times - see the Notre Dame game and very average other times. He has lost his starting spot to Brandon Minor and this past weekend to Carlos Brown. He recently was recovering from a concussion and got banged up in the Minnesota win two weeks ago. On Saturday Sam pulled himself out of the Northwestern game before kickoff. The rumor mill is saying that Sam, doesn't like the cold weather, has asked to move to slot receiver and might have had some problems getting along with teammates.

Here is my take: Sam is a young man that is far away from home and has shown flashes in his first year but has taken some big hits. I believe he realizes that his talent isn't above and beyond like it was in high school and his frame is small for a Big 10 running back. With all that said, Sam is a talented young man and can be a very good college football player. I hope he takes some time to reflect on this decision and doesn't make it during the grieving process due to the loss of a family member, a 3-9 season, and coming off a couple of injuries.

Sam here is my advice to you: Take some time over the holiday with your family and make the best decision for you. You gained a ton of experience this year and there will be plenty of touches available for you next year. You can play football at Michigan and earn a valuable degree.

Good luck with your decision and I hope you stay with Michigan. The best is yet to come! (call Braylon Edwards if you need someone to talk to. Braylon struggled with the same thing you are and things worked out pretty well for him.)

'Bama Injury Updates

University of Alabama sophomore linebacker Rolando McClain sustained a right thumb laceration against Mississippi State that required a surgical procedure Sunday, but he's not expected to miss any practice time or next week's game against Auburn.

Saban also announced that senior wide receiver Will Oakley sustained a non-football related collarbone injury that may require surgery. The injury, from a staircase fall, is probably season ending, which would end his career.

Junior running back Roy Upchurch (neck) and sophomore receiver Earl Alexander (shoulder) are expected to practice this week, but are still considered day-to-day. Upchurch was in uniform for MSU, but neither played.

Sophomore Terry Grant sustained a thigh bruise Saturday, which is why he didn't get any carries as a running back.

ALABAMA NOTEBOOK: McClain OK to play

FoxSports Power Rankings - 'Bama #5

#1 - Florida
#2 - Texas Tech
#3 - Texas
#4 - Oklahoma
#5 - Alabama

W, Mississippi State 32-7; next game: Auburn (Nov. 29). The Ranking Should Be Higher Because ... fine, fine, fine, the team just wins, even if the style points aren't there. With lines like Bama has, don't just hand the SEC title over to Florida quite yet. This Tide team seems like the type that rises to every occasion. If the Tide blasts a bad Auburn team, you'll know just how focused Nick Saban's boys are. The Ranking Should Be Lower Because ... let's be honest here; just how good is the SEC? The first half against Mississippi State was a bit scary, while the overtime win over LSU, considering what Troy was able to do this week in Death Valley, doesn't appear to be any big deal. The best offense Alabama has faced has been Georgia's, and that's it. Would the Tide be unbeaten if it had to survive the Big 12 South and all of its offenses?

Week 12 College Football Power Rankings By CollegeFootballNews.com

Michigan Football 2008 Whose to Blame?

Welcome to the Big House Court Room. I'm Judge BigHouse Bob, I will hear arguments today on whose to blame for the Michigan season of record 2008. Will each defendant please identfy yourself and quickly state your case?

Good Morning your honor, I'm former head coach Lloyd Carr: I recruited Sam McGuffie and a number of this years freshman. I also left a team full of talent that really hadn't seen any playing time. I ran a Pro Style offense and had a coaching philosophy to not lose games, which constantly got Michigan 8-9 wins a year. We would have struggled this year if I had stayed on as head coach with a trip to the Music City Bowl. I'm clearly innocent of this crime against the Michigan Program.

Hello your honor, I'm current head coach Rich Rodriguez: I have only been here 11 months and just recently found the best route to get to the stadium from my house. When I took over this team, we didn't have a QB and a bunch of guys suited for another system. I have won at every school I have been at but always had a terrible record in year 1. I do have to be honest, I did make some mistakes in play calling and with the current talent level but we will have that fixed next year for sure. I have had two really good recruiting classes and the future is bright. I'm for sure not guilty of this crime against the Michigan fan base.

What up your honor! I'm Ryan Mallett: Oops I just dropped the good book (sorry). I transferred in January because Mike Barwis really scared me. The only thing that I lift is beers with my buddies. I prefer a system that throws the ball 80% of the time and considers a good work out a trip to the whirlpool. How can I be guilty, I wasn't even on the team?

Sorry, I'm late your honor, I wasn't aware which side of the room I was supposed to sit on. I'm defensive coordinator, Scott Shafer: I took this job last winter and was really excited to have a chance to lead a defensive group with an experienced defensive line, young linebackers, and talented defensive backs. I expected this unit to dominate this year and we really haven't, due to some formation changes and some personnel mental lapses. We were just on the field too much. Of course, It's not my fault the offense didn't score enough points.

Judge BHB: Calvin Magee, Stevie Brown, Nick Sheridan, anyone who turned the ball over on specials teams, Stephen Threet, and The offensive line. You all are excused from this hearing and free to go due to the lack of experience and evidence (I guess there was some type of shredder incident?).

Judge BHB: Now on to my final verdict: After reviewing all 11 games so far, it's easy to say this team at times has looked lost on both sides of the ball. The offense is somewhat understandable but there is no excuse for the defense. Michigan at one point or another was winning every game (except against Notre Dame) but couldn't hold a lead or score when they needed to. There is also no excuse for losses against Toledo and Purdue.

So this leads me to my final verdict on whose to blame for the worst year in the history of Michigan Football. The above defendants all played a role in this ridiculous win loss record of 2008. But at the end of the day there has to be one person holding the bag for everything that went wrong this season. That person is head coach Rich Rodriguez, as I'm sure you have implemented a lot of good things this year, I feel you have mis-managed your talent and your team has underachieved.

This court understands that the above defendants and conditions did not equal a championship team or even a top 25 team, but it is expected that Michigan will be in a bowl game every year. Losing records are not permitted in these parts and a bowl game in 2009 is not only expected but required.

This court is requiring you to recruit your backside off from today until signing today, use snake oil if you have to. You also need to reflect on this past season and learn from your mistakes, make sure your defense is in position to make plays and not give games away as you slowly implement another new Freshman QB. Make sure Scott Shafer is the man for the job, his unit was supposed to be the strength of the team and it clearly wasn't. There is no excuse for 3-9 ever in Ann Arbor, this is not West Virgina, or Tulane, it's the win-est program in the history of college football. You sir are now in the Michigan family where winning is the only option.

This case is adjured. Now start your off season.

On a side note, I will clear this judgement if there is some way you can make magic happen on Saturday. If not, you will be required to stay at Hotel 6 and Red Roof Inn's on every recruiting trip. They will keep the light on for you.

RODNEY DANGERFIELD

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RODNEY DANGERFIELD I was so poor growing up if I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over, nobody's home. "I went over. Nobody was home. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early." It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. I was such an ugly kid that when I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. My Dad hated me I bought him an Archery Set for Christmas, he got me a t-shirt with a bulls eye on it for my birthday. He thought me to cross at the red light. When I was bored he told me to play on the broken white line on the highway. I get no respect. For Halloween I use to bob for french fries, my dad, you know. I mean I came from a tough neighborhood in grade four when thew teacher got a note it would read "Little Johnny will be away from five to ten years" In high School the special at the local restaurant was broken leg of lamb. Rough neighborhood. I'm not saying they didn't have class, if they robbed you they didn't use a barbers switch razor, they used an electric razor. The one drawback they had to wait until you were near an electric outlet. I think my wife fools around on me. I got in a cab I asked the driver to take me where I could get some action you know some easy sex he drove me to my house. I bought a used car I found one of my wife's dresses in the backseat. I mean I don't know I get no respect no respect. I told her why does she keep running over the kids bikes she said they shouldn't keep them on the porch. I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. I'm so ugly that my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through." I'm so ugly that my mother had morning sickness.....AFTER I was born. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide." My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect." I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times - three of those times I was reading it. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair. Rodney Dangerfield

When it Rains, It Pours: Threet and McGuffie Doubtful for Saturday

Nothing seems to be going right this year for the Wolverines.

• Whether it's during the game: Michigan's interception return for a touchdown to tie the game in the 4th quarter was ruled out of bounds at the 45, when the official "thought" #6 Donovan Warren stepped out of bounds. The replay clearly showed he did not.


• Whether it's a QB transferring: Ryan Mallet "thinking" he wouldn't fit into Rich Rodriguez system transferred in January to Arkansas. Filed in the irony department: Jason Forcier (who would have been great for RR's system) transferred to Stanford the year before because Ryan was coming aboard and clearly was going to get more snaps.
  
• Whether it comes to recruiting: Terrelle Pryor picks Ohio State over Michigan. Kevin Newsome,William Campbell, and Bryce McNeal all de-commit from the Wolverines. (Michigan has picked up two other high profile QB's in the 2009 class and "Big Will" is still rumored to have Michigan #1 on his list).


• Whether it comes to the weather: Michigan trying to put two wins in a row this past weekend were stopped by the Weather (temps in the 30's with rain and snow mix) and the Wildcats.
  

Now comes this report out of Rich Rodriguez news conference this morning:

• Threet is likely out against Ohio State due to a separated shoulder.


• McGuffie could miss the game due to a death in his family.


• RB Brandon Minor is expected to return.


• Nick Sheridan is likely to start.

These things happen to a 3-8 team that will soon be 3-9. The line for this game should end up around 27 points.

I think I solved one mystery from the good play in the Metro Dome: Nick Sheridan has "Dome" arm strength. He doesn't have November winter weather arm strength.

GEORGE CARLIN QUOTES

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GEORGE CARLIN Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap? If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him...is he still wrong? If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?" If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines? Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Do pediatricians play miniature golf on Wednesdays? Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? A lot of these people who keep a gun at home for safety are the same ones who refuse to wear a seat belt. Granola didn’t sell very well when it was good for you. Now it has caramel, chocolate, marshmallow, saturated fat and sweeteners with a small amount of oats and grains. Sales picked up. President George Bush declared a National Day of Prayer for Peace. This was after he had carefully arranged and started the war. Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think alcoholics should be told not to screw. Everywhere you look there are families with too many vehicles. You see them on the highways with their RVs. But apparently the RVs aren’t enough, because behind them they are towing cars, motor boats, go-carts, dune buggies, dirt bikes, ski jets, snowmobiles, para sails, hang gliders. Hot air balloons and two small two-,man deep sea diving bells. The only thing these people lack are lunar excursion modules. Doesn’t anyone take a f_ck_ng walk anymore? Here’s more middlebrow bullshit philosophy. “That which does not kill me makes me stronger.” I’ve got something more realistic: “That which does not kill me may sever my spinal cord, crush my rib cage, cave in my skull and leave me helpless and paralyzed, soaking in a puddle of my own waste.” Put that in your T-shirt, touchy feely New Age asshole! Live and let live – that’s what I say. Anyone who can’t understand that should be killed. I don’t understand why prostitution is illegal. Selling is legal, screwing is legal. So why isn’t it legal to sell screwing? The next time a prostitute solicits your business, ask for the clergyman’s rate. In the United States anyone can be president. That’s the problem. Why don’t network TV shows have a warning that says “Caution: you are about to watch a real piece of shit.” The IQ and life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in the opposite direction. The following statement is true. The previous statement is false. When I first heard the song “Don’t worry- be happy” I realized it was exactly the kind of mindless philosophy that Americans would respond to. It would make a great national anthem along with “Me first”. George Carlin